How To "Get Off" (The List)

   Then the list is left alone, and the end of an era; a sad fact will be borne.

   To stave off said occurrence, I am proud to announce the New, Improved, Guaranteed not to Rip, Unravel, Tear or Run Down At The Heals Unsubscribe Suggestions and Kit Instructions®. These have been added to the Original Unsubscribe Kit that was composed by Randall Woodman.
Credits and Copyright info is at the bottom of this page.

   It has been said that unsubscribing is like taking a shit: nobody else can do it for you. In this it differs from, say, taking a girlfriend.

   First, you should get your priorities straight. DC-Stuff will do you more good than the CM binaries list or whatever it was that you read about dc-stuff in.  You should lurk for a while, and learn before posting useless, pointless and feeble attempts at conversation, because intelligence, you lack. If, after due consideration, you still want to leave, launch your telnet program and issue the following command.  It is very dangerous, it could even get you KILLED!!! Make sure you get it right, or you could get sued for Bill Gates' net worth:

   Unfortunately, that will only perform a TEMPORARY unsubscription from dc-stuff. DC-Stuff will automatically re-subscribe you against your will unless you take the following, additional steps:

   And you should be set for, oh, a very good long while.

   If neither of these seems to function properly, you should next try:

• Sending $10,000 in US dollars, in cash, to the list. We will see to it that it is distributed among the tenured list members.  All bills must be used, no consecutive serial numbers.  Denominations must be 20s, 50s and 100s. All bills must be the "old" design, because the new design is "sniffable" in airports, SKOD only knows where all else.
• You must also sacrifice two chickens and a potato at sunset and sunrise for the next ten days.
• Do NOT forget about the virgins, which we will not tell you about, because we do not want to share.
• Do NOT forget to check the spelling of potato with Dan Quayle and the vegetarian militia.
• This is NOT Burger King ^(tm). You cannot substitute noisy macaws for chickens, nor yams for potatos.
• Do NOT attempt to eavesdrop on 2600 meetings should you discover them at your local Safeway® produce department. They are not talking about unsubscribing anyway.  Do NOT ask them what the Zucchinis are for.
• Do NOT attempt to pull off a Smurf ^(tm) exploit.  Smurf ^(tm) exploits involve forging a mail message that contains a stupid question. A typical attack will give a 6:1 response:query ratio. Higher ratios are often attained when using the Sinster-Smurf ^(tm) variant.
• Do NOT ask what the Sinster-Smurf ^(tm) variant is, as that is itself an example of the exploit.
• Do NOT compile and run the following program; it's warez! and is guaranteed to backfire in your unsubscribe attempts.
  

• Do NOT  send off-list mail to any list member and make threats about calling the cops or their ISP. Neither the cops nor the cops ISP can unsubscribe you. One such example follows:
  

  Aj Effin ReznoR wrote:
  

  just cuz im a bastard and like to share with everyone....
  
  > A.j. Effin ReznoR wrote:
  >>
  >> Does anyone know how I can get off this mailing list?
  >>
  >> yes.
  >>
  >
  > Hilarious! Hee Hee...
  >
  > , but seriously do you?
  >
  > Jack
  
  seriously?  yes, i really, seriously do.
    -aj.
  

   If you still want to unsubscribe, but so far haven't been able to get the job done, you should seriously consider contacting Jack Domo.

   Major Jack [Full-Metal Jacky] Domo is the Operations Officer.  He is also a volunteer retired military officer. You can ask him for help at majordomo@dis.org, once you have studied the mail headers to find your subscription type.

   You should be prepared to tell Jack whether you have the five-year or the lifetime subscription.  Both of these can be terminated in the same way, through patience or death. For termination-through-death, your will should specify a number of, eh, specific and interesting clauses, including a generous bequest to the DC-Stuff List Members Relocation Fund.

   We have lawyers here who will help with this.

   To discover which kind of subscription you have, you will need to study the mail headers in great detail. Most of us here can't help, since we're lifers, having sold our souls to Satan, are Crack addicts, and/or are under the control of various background daemons, not to mention that some of us depraved few actually like it here. Others have inherited their subscriptions from deceased, caring friends or relatives, and would no more think of unsubscribing than of jumping off a bridge.

   It's possible that your subscription is new enough that you can still cancel it by stopping payment on the credit-card charge. There are several list members who will assist you in this, but they will need your credit card and bank account numbers, in order to verify our records. Just post these numbers to the list, and the proper personnel will process your accounts within 24 hours.

   If you haven't done so yet, go to your localbook store, and buy the o'rielly bat book (sendmail) and learn about headers. No, not the aftermarket exhaust manifolds for your vehicle. Only used headers may be used, since new ones have not yet been sent over the internet and do not have authenticity stamps from the various routers, bridges, brouters and gateways. You want to be concerned with X-Comments from the originating mail sender.

   Still here? OK, really and seriously, call your ISP and ask them to Mail you an Unsubscribe Kit.

   It should be the standard no-fault type. Depending on your requirements, System A and/or System B can be used. When operating System A, depress lever and a plastic dalkron unsubscriber will be dispensed through the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach connection marked by the large "X" outlet hose. Twist the silver-colored ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.

   The kit is now ready for use. The Cin-Eliminator is activated by the small switch on the lip. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial condition, so that the two orange lines meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron unsubscriber in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the blue button.

   The controls for System B are located on the opposite side. The red release switch places the Cin-Eliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self-adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button, which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the Cin-Eliminator to its storage position.

   You may log off if the green exit light is on over the evaporator. If the red light is illuminated, one of the Cin-Eliminator requirements has not been properly implemented. Press the "List Guy" call button on the right of the evaporator. He will secure all facilities from his control panel.

   To use the Auto-Unsub, first undress and place all your clothes in the clothes rack. Put on the velcro slippers located in the cabinet immediately below. Enter the shower, taking the entire kit with you. On the control panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a "Shower seal" button. Press to activate. A green light will then be  illuminated immediately below. On the intensity knob, select the desired setting. Now depress the Auto-Unsub activation lever. Bathe normally.

   The Auto-Unsub will automatically go off after three minutes unless you activate the "Manual off" override switch by flipping it up. When you are ready to leave, press the blue "Shower seal" release button. The door will open and you may leave. Please remove the velcro slippers and place them in their container.

   If you prefer the ultrasonic log-off mode, press the indicated blue button. When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. The knob to the left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low, medium or high. For normal use, the medium setting is suggested.

   After these settings have been made, you can activate the device by switching to the "ON" position the clearly marked red switch. If during the unsubscribing operation, you wish to change the settings, place the "manual off" override switch in the "OFF" position. You may now make the change and repeat the cycle. When the green exit light goes on, you may log off and have lunch. Please close the door behind you.

   If all else fails and you are still unable to unsubscribe, follow these instructions:  You have already caught the attention of the mailing list mailer-daemon and will be automatically subscribed to the list 10 more times per day anyway:

   You are obviously one of the kids coming out of America's high schools who can't read, can't write, doesn't know basic science, doesn't know basic mathematics, and are devoid of common sense. I called your school and told them they should teach you to read & write before we blow a bunch of money on "wiring the schools to the Internet."

   They said I was  "elitist," "sexist," "racist," and a bunch of other "-ists." If you start sending me a bunch of cards & letters written in HTML and bad English telling me what an "-ist" I am for saying you are clueless, you will have made my point.

   Send valid criticisms to Webmaster

   Don't steal the source or content for this document and post, repost, publish in hardcopy or on the net, attempt to duplicate or recreate any of this content anywhere without the proper credits. This page is copyrighted by Me, Reeza! The suggestions above, posted to the dc-stuff mailing list, may have additional copyrights by the original authors and/or the dc-stuff list administrator. You may send me email to inquire about listmember info should you desire to pursue originator identifications for copyright purposes. Be prepared to authenticate your "need to know".
   Beyond that, you can do just about any damn thing you want with it. Any venture that results in the generation of revenues should and must include the cognizance and concurrence of copyright holders. Additional copyright rules not specified may apply.