From: Kelley
Date: Tue, 09 May 2000 12:50:53 -0400
Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner Product
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept
and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else
a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your
dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the
oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start.
The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients
of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the
desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time
and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven
must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the
oven and enter:
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then
doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your oven vendor. The
oven itself is obviously on the blink.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than
the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are
empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in
your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft
Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety.
Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed plans to
discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases
will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for
future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer,
causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
Kelley
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